If you are a regular air traveller, you will experience a set of important safety instructions, one being: “In the unlikely event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the panel above your head. Please be sure to secure your own mask before helping others.”
It is the phrase ‘…be sure to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others, that I and many of my coaching clients grapple with. How does one care for themselves without seeming selfish, or self-indulgent? Practising self-care? Taking care of myself? That’s something for egoists and selfish people! Anyway, I don’t have time for that…
This is a common belief many people have. After all, self-care is often mistakenly used as a synonym for egoism and selfishness. But it is exactly the opposite. Only people who practice self-care and who make sure they are in balance are able to take care of others.
Regular self-care is the basis for a healthy and fulfilled life, and ultimately genuine self-love. It goes far beyond the occasional weekend relaxation bath and should instead become an integral part of our everyday lives.
Self-care means taking personal responsibility for doing justice to oneself in all aspects of life. It is about being aware and focusing on one’s needs, desires, traits, talents, and inclinations to maintain and improve mental and physical health. Only then we are able to care for ourselves and be there for others.
It is way too easy to forget ourselves in the frenetic hustle and bustle of our daily lives. We often care more about all the responsibilities imposed on us and about other people. At the same time neglect our own well-being.
Imagine someone’s car broke down on the side of the road because they ran out of fuel. Would you stop and empty your tank so that this person could continue driving? Of course not, because as a result, you would have the problem of not being able to continue your journey. It is much better to help this person fill their tank themselves.
You can only be there for other people when your own tank and energy reserves are full. Regular self-care is the fuel for your tank. A lack of self-care can result in stress, dissatisfaction, or even depression and anxiety.
Many people tell themselves that they don’t have time for self-care. They ignore and neglect their own needs and desires. “After all, we have to please everyone and it would be completely selfish to make the well-being of ourselves the number one priority. A short relaxing bath on weekend and a 14-day holiday once a year should be enough to refill the empty tank.” That’s the inner dialogue many people have. They take a short break and then continue to exploit their resources and energy relentlessly. True self-care means treating yourself well and listening to your own needs every day.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”— Anne Lamott
“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.”— Hermann Hesse
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”— Oscar Wilde
Now it’s a matter of finding out how to make self-care an integral part of our daily life. It’s all about changing priorities and consciously deciding to do the things that are good for us. Here are some activities, routines, and tips to help learn and practice self-care.
Like everything in life, practicing self-care is very individual. What is beneficial and relaxing for one person, is stressful for another. An essential element in self-care is mindfulness. If we binge-eat our favourite food and watch multiple series on Netflix in one sitting for hours, only to forget the world around us, we are not practicing self-care. However, when we consciously prepare and enjoy a delicious dinner to calm our minds and give ourselves a break, we practice true self-care.
Have a look at this self-Care Checklist with some useful tips for your daily life:
- Get enough and, most importantly, high-quality sleep.
- Drink at least 2-3 litres of water per day
- Avoid soft drinks and too many sweets. Drink tea instead (I would recommend rooibos).
- Maintain a balanced and healthy diet.
- Take enough time for your meals. Eat consciously.
- Allow yourself regular breaks to switch off completely.
- Meditate daily.
- Make sure you exercise regularly. Use the stairs and not the escalator.
- Consciously say “no” when you don’t want something.
- Consciously say “yes” and try new things regularly.
- Find affirmations that give you strength.
- Learn to set priorities.
- Set attainable and realistic goals (Use the SMART method).
- Listen to your favourite music regularly.
- Get some fresh air every day (walking, hiking, biking…).
- Enjoy the sun for a few minutes with your eyes closed.
- Spend less time on social media.
Practice Self-Reflection and Introspection – The Basic Self-Care Routine
Self-reflection is the art of honestly and critically questioning one’s own thoughts, feelings, and actions, and drawing the right conclusions from them. This will bring us valuable insights about ourselves. Self-reflection enables you to find out what is good for you and what is not. You will recognise where you exceed your limits, what gives you energy and what takes it. Regular self-reflection is one of the most important building blocks for learning and practising self-care.
The Balance Of Life Wheel Assessment
The balance of life wheel (or Goal-Wheel) is a great way to detect which areas in your life are off balance. It usually consists of 6-8 categories that are critical for a satisfying and successful life. It helps to identify how much time you spend on a certain category of your life and how satisfied you are with that area.
The wheel of life creates some sort of self-reflection that allows you to find out what to change in a certain part of your life in order to practice more self-care and become happier. It also helps with priority setting.
PIT-STOP: Listening to Yourself – A Great Self-Care Exercise
Another essential part of self-care is to learn to listen to yourself. Set 3-4 alarms per day over the period of at least one week. Whenever it rings, pause for a moment and ask yourself these questions:
- How am I?
- What do I need right now?
- And what need or desire could be behind this craving? Fulfil the need if possible
For example, if you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed at this moment, allow yourself five minutes of rest to recharge your batteries.
After some training, you have built a new habit and you will no longer need the alarm. You will automatically ask yourself the above questions regularly and act accordingly.
Write down the answers in a way so that you can reflect on your collection of thoughts at any time later to recognise patterns and to get a deeper understanding.
Set Boundaries – For Yourself And Others
We respect the boundaries of others, but what about our own boundaries? Part of self-care is knowing and respecting your own boundaries and telling them to others. Many people are afraid to say “no” or come off as selfish in front of others. Let people around you know when you feel overwhelmed or simply don’t want to do something they ask you for. At the same time, learn to recognise and respect your own boundaries.
Removing Toxic Relationships Is True Self-Care
While some relationships enrich our lives and bring us joy there are also those that take energy and cause a lot of stress. Make a list of all the people in your life and evaluate who is good for you and who tends to have a negative effect on your well-being. Then you can think about how you would like to deal with these people in the future.
Begin A Self-Care Journal – Gain Clarity Through Journaling
A self-care journal helps to foster creativity for new solutions, turn words into actions, and to gain clarity. Take the time and write down every evening whether you took care of your needs or if you’ve set your priorities wrong and everything else seemed to be more important than your self-care.
By writing down thoughts, feelings, emotions, and even experiences, you recap your day and determine what you could do better tomorrow. You also find out what keeps you busy, what makes you feel good, and what may cause stress or discomfort. Journaling provides valuable insights into your self-care practice.
Self-Care Routine: Eliminate Negative And Limiting Beliefs
Most of us carry around unconscious beliefs that come from past experiences and that affect our thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. They have often been developed over years and some even come from our childhood. Many of these limiting or negative beliefs are so deeply anchored in our mindset that we don’t even realize them.
Eliminating these belief patterns is tremendously liberating and often opens up completely new perspectives on our lives.
Take Regular Breaks – Easy Self-Care Tip For Every Day
Especially during work days, we should make time for regular breaks. If possible, take a short 5-minute break after every 30-60 minutes of concentrated work. Take an extended break every three hours if possible. Avoid using your smartphone and have a short walk instead to get your blood flow. Get some fresh air and have a cup of tea or coffee.
Train Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance is the ability to accept ourselves as we are. It is a very integral part of true self-care. We all know this inner dialogue that is criticizing us and telling us we are not good enough. We curse ourselves for not being able to do certain things or criticize how we look.
Self-acceptance means making peace with who we are and the things we can’t change.
Nobody is perfect and if we learn to accept ourselves as we are, we have taken a huge step on our path to more self-love and better self-care.
Living Your True Self – Becoming Aware of Your Values And Living By Them
Our personal values and our core of being are the things that define us, that are important to us and that we truly believe in. Living according to our values means that our actions are in line with our beliefs and thoughts.
Expressing and living our true selves is the foundation for genuine satisfaction and authentic life. It’s worth exploring these values in depth. The better we know them, the more likely we are to live according to these values and make our everyday life more satisfying. Living your true self is the ultimate way of true self-care.
Healthy Food! Cooking As A Self-Care Ritual
Our diet impacts our physical and mental health. Remove the eating restrictions, stop dieting, and eat natural foods that you enjoy to practice self-care. Your mind and body will appreciate it.
A wonderful self-care ritual is cooking and then enjoying your favourite meal – even more so with loved ones! A real stressor by the way is the guilt many people feel after binge eating, so try to avoid that. Your mental health is impacted by what you put into your body.
Find Self-Care Activities Like Regular Exercising
Physical activities are the foundation of physical and mental health and an essential element of self-care. Regular exercise has been shown to reduce stress and increase cognitive abilities. For example, take the stairs instead of the elevator, park furthest away from the mall entrance, have regular walks, or try a new sport. The possibilities are endless: Yoga, Dancing, Running, Swimming, Tennis, Gym, or simply having a walk.
Practicing Self-Care By Building Your Resilience
Resilience is our ability to respond well to challenges and setbacks, persist in the face of failure rather than give up, cope effectively with stress, and recover from difficult experiences.
Review Your Time Management And Priorities
Many people think that there is no room for self-care in their stressful daily lives. After all, there are so many tasks to do and people to please that it would be selfish and egoistic to dedicate time to oneself.
But the opposite is true: Only if you put yourself first and make self-care a priority, you’ll be able to be there for others. If you are dissatisfied, stressed, burnt out, and unhappy, you won’t be productive at work and you won’t have the energy to support people around you.
Self-care is a matter of setting priorities and it has to be practiced daily. If you feel like you need to optimize your life-work integration and your time management skills take a look at these exercises.
How to Practice Self-Care: Create a Self-Care Plan
Regular self-care is the foundation for a healthy and fulfilled life, and ultimately genuine self-love. It goes far beyond the occasional weekend relaxation bath and should instead become an integral part of our everyday lives.
True self-care means being good to yourself every day. It includes listening to your needs and desires. Create a self-care action plan and think about how you could practice self-care on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. This experience will allow you to present a better version of yourself to the external world – loved ones, work colleagues, your community, and so on. Go for it, practice self-care!